John Hodgman imagines watching various episodes of “Downton Abbey” with his cats:

“Look, I never want to tell stories about my children, because it always seems a little lazy. Children tend to be sort of dumb, and, in the end, the stories are always the same: children say hilarious things, and I am old and dying.

So when I tell you these stories about my children let’s just pretend they are about my cats.”

Illustration by Gary Taxali.